The Blind Butcher

OPEN LETTER TO FELIPE CALDERON

AUTHOR: CONGO76

Mr. President, in an effort to promote goodwill and relations between our two nations, the United States and Mexico, I am requesting that you provide our citizens with exactly the same provisions, entitlements and rights afforded to your citizens here in the United States. It only seems fair since you consistently speak out against how your citizens are treated unfairly here. In fact, let's examine why your citizens do not stay in your country in the first place.

Your economy is hampered by structural weaknesses that limit Mexico’s potential for future growth and job creation. Mexico’s workers are generally low skilled and have less schooling than workers in advanced industrial economies. This deficit in human capital manifests itself in stagnant labor productivity and real wages, as well through the existence of a large “informal” labor sector that deprives the education, health care, and social security systems of crucial tax revenues. Income distribution remains highly unequal; about half of Mexico’s population lives in poverty. Read it one more time and get a clue.

First before we migrate to your country, illegally of course as we have no desire to actually become citizens, we're going to require employment. I feel that since your citizens afford themselves our Constitutional rights we should have access to Mexico's Constitution protection as well. Case in point would be Article 123 which affirms a variety of labor rights, including the right to organize and an eight-hour workday, and provides for the protection of women and minors in the workplace. Furthermore, I feel that Article 27 is going to need to be circumvented because it imposes stringent restrictions on us as foreigners in regards to land ownership. I realize the amendment to this article in 1992 eased some of these restrictions, I just want to ensure your rules don't apply to us.

Secondly, I feel that when I disagree with how the government of Mexico conducts its affairs that all illegal aliens, Americans that are in Mexico illegally and who are not citizens, should be allowed to protest in your streets all while carrying the American flag. Your citizens do it here. Please inform the Policía Federal Preventiva before they commit another human rights violations upon us, that your Constitution prescribes an activist state that will ensure national autonomy and social justice. Which of course should be awarded to us even though we've made zero effort to become a Mexican citizen. If you do not change your laws or Constitution to accommodate us then we will take to a media blitz never seen before of labeling you a racist and a Nazi. We may even resort to accusing you of being a Fascist pig, even though it is entirely impossible to be a Nazi and a Fascist at the same time. Since most of your citizens don't make it past the eighth grade they won't know the difference anyway and will agree with us. Can you afford that type of attention in the media?

Thirdly I feel you should pass an act similar to our Nationalization and Immigration Act of 1952 which will grant automatic citizenship to any child born within your country borders and allow for the mother and/or father to stay within Mexico based off that child's citizenship. Making Americans go to the US Consulate and filing a "Consular Report of Birth Abroad"  is really bothersome and time consuming. Of course it wouldn't be fair to expect the parents to have to actually become citizens, pay taxes, get a driver's license and join in on the dream of coming to Mexico and making your dreams come true. We're also going to require access to any and all government social services and support, to include free medical care, because we're entitled to them. Please make sure all of the forms are provided to us in English as well, after all, we are just dumb Americans and can't be bothered with learning Spanish. Even though it's predominantly spoken in Mexico, Central and South America.

In the end Mr. President until you level the playing field in regards to American citizens in Mexico I think you should shut the fuck up. There are reasons you're citizens are leaving your country in drones and yet you do nothing about it. I guess the more people leave your country the less problems there are for you to deal with. In the words of General Santa Anna himself, "I felt that it was rather anawkward affair for the President of one republic to be thus catechized by the President of another."